As happens sometimes in winter, I was once again bed-bound last weekend with the flu. Laying in bed, unable to do anything, I could only feel the energy rushing around my body like a computer resetting over and over as it tries to reboot.
As my body slowly got better I could feel thoughts arising slowly out of the darkness. Eventually I had enough energy to get up and take a shower… The next morning I had enough energy to think about doing laundry… A few days later enough to care about email.
A few years ago I wrote “Lull after the rain” after coming out of a similar moment of illness and seeing the blue sky amidst the clouds. I wrote about how the moment of healing after being sick is a transitional bardo through which we can recognize deeper truths.
This year I come out of my illness with a new focus. This year, I want to focus on expanding joy.
Why Joy?
Over winter break two wonderful texts came into my life.
The first was Sasha Chapin’s post on “How to like everything more.” It’s fantastic and I can’t recommend it enough…
The main idea from this post is that enjoying things is a skill that can be taught and that “[high-level enjoyment], like a sport, is composed of many interlocking micro-skills that must be trained individually, but which reinforce each other.” I’d never seen anyone explain enjoyment like this. This framing was a mental unlock for me.
The idea that by wanting to feel more joy, I can actually do so, was life-changing. Using Sasha’s prompts has allowed me to find joy repeatedly for the past few weeks out of very simple moments. For example, asking myself “How can I enjoy this 10% more?” moves my attention in subtle ways subtly and the question along helps me boost my enjoyment… Sasha lists a bunch of specific mental techniques he uses that I found super applicable and I have been revisiting almost daily.
Inspired by Sasha’s post I’ve also started to go “joy-hunting” as I’ve become more aware of when other people are experiencing joy. Being observant and noticing the tell-tale signs of joy – smiles, laughter, eye creases, kind words – shows me where others are discovering small windows of light in the world around me.
The second text that has also been a huge unlock for me this year is “Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer. A family member recommended this book to me and it’s really fantastic. I’m slowly working through it as I savor each chapter. The book is wide-ranging and there is one part that is very complementary to Sasha’s post. In this section Singer talks about why we feel joy and what blocks us from feeling more joy in our lives.
Singer’s main point is that we feel more or less energy in our bodies as a function of how open or closed our hearts are. In brief, we have a Heart chakra: if we open it up, energy and joy can flow through us. However, if we close our hearts, joy can’t flow.
This opening and closing of our heart happens all the time. It’s why we go from sometimes feeling really happy to suddenly getting moody or sad if we see something that we have a negative association with.
If Sasha’s post is the set of specific tactics to feel joy, Singer’s is the broader principle for how to let joy and love flow through our hearts:
If you really want to stay open, pay attention when you feel love and enthusiasm. Then ask yourself why you can't feel this all the time. Why does it have to go away? The answer is obvious. It only goes away if you choose to close. By closing, you are actually making the choice not to feel openness and love.
You throw love away all the time. You feel love until somebody says something you don't like, and then you give up the love. You feel enthused about your job until someone criticizes something, and then you want to quit. It's your choice. You can either close because you don't like what happened, or you can keep feeling love and enthusiasm by not closing. As long as you're defining what you like and what you don't like, you will open and close. You are actually defining your limits. You are allowing your mind to create triggers that open and close you. Let go of that. Dare to be different. Enjoy all of life.
As I’ve started to reflect more on joy I’ve realized that I under-experience this emotion. This was an odd and uncomfortable thing to realize… Many years ago as part of a coaching session, I had a coach tell me that I “experience less than average joy” and I remember being baffled and slightly offended by this. I think of myself as a generally happy and joyful person so I remember thinking (1)“What do you mean I experience “low joy””? and (2) “This isn’t very actionable…"
Sasha and Singer’s writings finally help me understand what my coach meant and also how to do something about this.
Reflecting more on why this is the case, I’ve come to realize that my mind has historically gravitated towards certain parts of spiritual practice much more than others. Growing up I found it easier to spend time on concepts like impermanence much more than love and joy (e.g., I was much more likely to spend time reading Marcus Aurelius than sitting in loving kindness meditation). Some of this is likely due to my tendency to over-intellectualize, some of it is likely due to my natural temperament, and some of it probably more because of where my spiritual influences came from…
It took me 40+ years to learn this about myself but coming into 2025, I am so happy to have my sights on joy. This will be one of my focus areas this year and I’m truly excited (joyful?) to go deeper on this path.
If this post reminds you of anything you’ve found to inspire your joy, please share! To reach me just reply to this email or you can comment on the post. I’d love to learn from you :)
Thank you for this! I love the note about observing people's eyes crinkle with silent smiles. I am a big people watcher and it is catching my neighbors with facial expressions like these really makes my morning walks.
P.s. my best friend is obsessed with the difference between fun and enjoyment. Do you think you could describe the difference?
Thanks for your thoughts David! Personally, I’ve learned that real joy is something inside of me and doesn’t depend on external circumstances. Especially when there’s nothing I can do to affect them, I can still affect my response to them. It comes from a deep peace that, though there be bumps in the road, the journey moves on and will end as it should. There is joy in the journey!